I was in love
. Like I never was. Crazy stupid love. I did anything and everything for her. I woke up everyday planning on the littlest things just to make her smile. And I was the best boyfriend I ever was. I helped her study. Did assignments together. Hugged her when she cried. Picked her up when she was down. Push her closer to her family…She was happy. I was happy. Stupidly happy in love.
Then it all came crashing down. She called me on the eve of Eid. Said that she can’t explain it and she just wants to be alone. She doesn’t want to be with me.
“What the f**k?!” Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt her? Never had I ever had the intention of doing so. Just tell me what I did wrong!
I was aggressive, I was patient, I cried entire weeks and the only time I stopped was when I eventually slept.
It hurt too much. I literally felt it hurt in my chest. I couldn’t understand it. She shut me out. Blocked me everywhere. Just pushed me out of her life. Without an explanation. I couldn’t take it. I said my goodbyes to my closest friends. I swallowed a handful of pills. I lied down crying and waited for it all to be over. I attempted suicide
I woke up. In the hospital. My mom and youngest brother next to me. Crying. I was pissed. It wasn’t over. I had to face all of this still? And it only got worse now. I thought I wouldn’t have to endure this anymore. This was supposed to be over. I left the hospital. I called my friends, they didn’t want anything to do with me. They left. All accept for one.
“Why should you die, and she get to enjoy the rest of her life? Fuck that.”
True. But it didn’t make me feel any better. I had to face my family that were pissed that I tried to off myself. My friends left me. She left me. I was forced into a program to seek help from family. Diagnosed with mental instability and Depression, I spent a good two weeks in an intensive session with a counselor/religious teacher.One of the sessions stuck to me hard: “Ever notice that man will always run to nature when days are rough? The beach, the forest, etc… Ever wonder why? In Islam, it is said that everything in nature is constantly in prayer… Every stone, tree and animal. Therefore, being in an environment where everything around you is in constant prayer naturally puts your soul at ease and calms you down.”
Finding peace in nature
So one of the tasks was for me to find peace in nature. Go to the beach. And take it all in. the sounds of the waves, the smell of the salty sea, the feel of the sand between your toes. And the vast ocean. Take it all in. Find peace.
Accept what happened. Acknowledge that nothing you do could change what has been done. What’s done is done. It’s set in stone. Focus on what is to come. That is entirely up to what you do right now.
Second step: Goal setting
Make a list of your short term and long term goals.
What is it you want to achieve in life? What is it you are passionate about?
Me, personally, I want to help the country increase its level of English proficiency.
Why? Because I think that the ability for the majority of the country to communicate their ideas is particularly poor. And this is reflected in the constant headlines that highlight the unemployment of a staggering number of fresh graduates. What with our current economical situation, this is the core problem that leads to all the mentioned problems.
So I wrote down my goals.
How do I achieve them? And how do I track and measure the progress I make?
“Ever heard of the #100DaysOfHappiness on Instagram? Yeah, so that’s how.” I was told.
“Wtf?” I had serious doubts to say the least.
So I head back home with a task at hand: Document my progress on Instagram. And it wasn’t as simple as I initially thought it would be. Having to deal with depression, a colossal effort was needed to just get out of bed on a daily basis. What more to set out to actively look for stuff that makes you happy, stuff that you appreciate and stuff that makes you proud is not as trivial as I made it out to be.
But almost immediately I began to reap the rewards of my efforts.
1. I did well at the organization I was Interning at, at that moment
2. So well, that they offered me a job within one month of internship.
3. They trusted me with more than intern work
4. Offered me a position within the organization within one month of internship
5. I was awarded the Top Scorer in Malaysia for Malaysian University English Test (MUET)
6. Was also offered 7 other jobs before the end of my internship
I’m doing what I love now
Now I’m employed at the organization of my choice doing the things I love best. I experienced the literal sense of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
And I’m only getting started.
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